The Bar Mitzvah is a rite of passage

The Bar Mitzvah is a rite of passage which is as much a psychological milestone in the life of the parents as of the child. A boy becomes a Bar Mitzvah, literally ‘a son of the laws’ on his thirteenth birthday.
So ‘social puberty’ reflects the community’s general expectation of biological puberty, rather than its attainment by a particular child. It means that a boy has entered the adult Jewish community; has become a man, ready to fulfill the commandments gleaned from the Talmud, the book that codifies ancient Jewish laws and traditions.

In what was a patriarchal religion, girls were not given the same public recognition of their transition to adulthood. In recent decades that has changed. Many girls now participate in a parallel ceremony at the age of 12, called a Bat Mitzvah (Bat means ‘daughter’).

The preparation for Bar Mitzvah is arduous. The child’s program of study differs from synagogue to synagogue but can last as long as two to three years, and includes Jewish history, religious ritual and classes in Hebrew, the ancient language of Judaism. The Bar Mitzvah candidate must become fluent enough to read and understand the basics of the language. And he must commit to memory the portion of the Torah (the Jewish Holy Book) that he is assigned to read on his Bar Mitzvah day.

These readings are the subject of a great deal of study and thought. The child discusses their meaning not only with his Rabbi but with other adult family members and friends and is encouraged to think about their significance in relation to his own life. So the ceremony is not, as it may seem to a cynical onlooker, empty rote-learning; it is a space created for the boy and his care-givers to explore their understanding of the soon-to-be adult’s impending responsibilities.

As with other religions, there are many Jews who find institutional Judaism confining and inappropriate to their needs. For these parents too, a Bar Mitzvah provides a chance to explore their own values and beliefs, to sift from their Jewish heritage what they cherish and want to see passed on to their children.
Traditionally, the first public declaration of a child’s new acceptance into adulthood takes place on the first Saturday after the boy’s thirteenth birthday. This ceremony closes with the boy’s father reciting the Hebrew blessing, ‘blessed are you who releases us from the responsibility of this child’. The blessing makes explicit the boy’s new responsibility to himself and the community’s recognition of their altered responsibility to him. And in recognition of his new stature in the community, he is given religious privileges - or spiritual responsibilities, depending on how you look at it.

So the social impact of the Bar Mitzvah is profound. It draws into consciousness a clear demarcation line between childhood and adulthood but even as he takes that first perilous step out of childhood, the teenager sees himself surrounded by a willing display of support and love. And at the very moment of separation into individual responsibility, the Bar Mitzvah links the boy with his history and roots.
Many Jews see the Bar Mitzvah as a way of enforcing their own and their children’s pride and confidence in themselves and their heritage.

Says one mother who recently experienced the bustle, preparation and exhilaration of her son’s Bar Mitzvah: ‘Every part of his world - his parents, extended family, peers, teachers, friends - gave him approval at precisely the time when kids are most confused. It was a way for all the pieces of his life to come together, at a time of celebration. It may not have changed him consciously but I think it gave him a tremendous amount of self-confidence at a time of life when a lot of kids just fall apart.’