Attendants: A Glossary of Who's Who in the Wedding Party

Who knew planning a wedding would be akin to staging a major Broadway

production? To help out with your co-directorial debut, we've prepared a cross section

of the wedding day cast of characters. (Keep in mind that most roles

can be played by either gender, and by as many people as you want.)

Best man This guy acts as groom's valet (personal aide and advisor) through

all stages of wedding planning. He's a fashion consultant, bachelor-party

master of ceremonies, and commander-in-chief of the groomsmen brigade. His

duties include (but aren't limited to): getting the groom to the ceremony on

time; giving the officiant his/her fee after the ceremony; signing the couple's

marriage license; and holding the bride's ring at the altar. He also is famous for

his toasting skills and dancing savoir faire.

Bride No surprises here. The bride's duties are to plan all aspects of the event

with the groom, from ordering boutonnieres to booking the banquet hall. She

marries the groom, too. Her goal? To have as much fun as possible.

Bridesmaids Trustworthy gal pals and female family members who form the

bride's entourage (and ostensibly work well together). They are a support team

for the maid of honor, helping with pre-wedding tasks when asked (addressing

invites, making shower favors, planning the bachelorette party, and more).

Bridesmaids are often expected to hit the dance floor running and play

surrogate hostesses to guests.

Candle lighter In some Christian ceremonies, pre-teens aged nine-12 light

candles at the altar just before the mother of the bride (see below) is seated.

Candle lighters may dress like the wedding party or sport their own attire.

Father of the bride In traditional wedding circles, this guy fronts most of the

cash -- that's no small feat. Even so, brides' dads have picked up additional to dos

along the way. Dad's chores might include airport duty, coordinating maps/

directions to the wedding site, scouting potential locations, doling out tips to

wedding day staff, and a variety of toasting and hosting tasks.

Father of the groom He used to get away with fading into the woodwork, but

nowadays he's suited up for action. In terms of cost contribution, the groom's

dad pays for a few major items, notably the rehearsal dinner. He might also

fulfill numerous dancing, toasting, and "manly" obligations (i.e., escort elderly

women, move tables, address problematic service). It's nice, too, if he checks in

with the bride's dad occasionally to offer moral support.

Flower girl/child Wee ones aged three through eight who walk down the aisle

before the bride, scattering flower petals from a basket (or carrying a

pomander). Little ladies are the norm, but cute little boys can fill this role, too.

Most flower children sit with their parents after completing their stroll.

Groom He's the bride's wedding planning co-pilot, taking all the various to-dos

like a man. Chief responsibilities may include (but aren't limited to): heading

up the band and DJ selection process, coordinating limo details, booking rooms

for out-of-town guests, and doing most of the honeymoon legwork. Guess

what? He also marries the bride. His goal? To make the bride laugh as much as

possible.

Groomsmen A posse of male family and friends who assist the groom in

planning and preparing for the big day. Their chief responsibility? To help the

best man plan and pay for the bachelor party. It's also common to have

groomsmen do double duty as ushers, leaving their posts in time to process

with the rest of the bridal party. They also get to decorate the getaway car,

dance with dateless ladies at the reception, and act as a resource for confused

guests.

Hattabin A Muslim term for male family or friends who help prepare the

groom for and participate in the wedding. Among Moroccan Muslims, it's

common for the hattabin to propose to the bride on the groom's behalf.

Honor attendants The best man (see above) and the maid of honor (see

below) are considered honor attendants. They may prefer to go by this title,

forgoing gender-specific references. An honor attendant may also be known as

"best person."

Huppah carriers In Jewish weddings, individuals close to the bride and groom

(usually family members or close friends) hold up the huppah poles during the

ceremony. They are often part of the shushavim (see below).

Junior bridesmaids/junior groomsmen/junior ushers Young members of

the wedding party (aged 9-16). They'll attend all major functions (excluding Xrated

ones) and fulfill the same responsibilities as senior squad members.

Lasses can wear less-sexy versions of the bridesmaid dresses (if the dresses are

risque); lads may don a tux like the big guys.

Koumbaro/Koumbara The Koumbaro is the Eastern Orthodox groom's best

man. (The Koumbara is the female version.) Traditionally, the koumbaros was

the groom's godfather, but today any close male relative or friend can do the

job. In traditional Greek weddings, the koumbaro's role is highly symbolic, and

his duties are many. For example, during the crowning ceremony, he must

place the crowns on the bride's and groom's heads, then switch the crowns back

and forth three times, uniting and binding the two lovebirds.

Maid/matron/man of honor The bride's right-hand for the duration of the

planning process -- she's there to supply a second pair of eyes and provide

emotional support as needed. In general, the maid of honor heads up the bridal

shower and handles numerous wedding day details, which might include

toasting the bride and groom, signing the marriage license, adjusting the bride's

train at the altar, holding her bouquet during vows, and collecting gift

envelopes at the reception. She also should help the bride get dressed, taking

care to frequently remind her that she looks beautiful. She is the last

bridesmaid to walk down the aisle before the bride, holding the groom's ring on

her thumb.

Mother of the bride The bride's mom may serve as wedding planner, guest list

moderator, traditional reception hostess, fashion critic, and cheerleader. Other

possible duties include researching family and ethnic traditions, attending the

shower and rehearsal dinner, and dancing the night away at the reception. The

nature of the bride's mother's role is entirely up to the bride.

Mother of the groom The groom's mom can assume any of the bride's mom's

responsibilities, if she's up for it. Dole out to-dos diplomatically to prevent

conflicts. She attends the shower, and is escorted down the aisle during the

prelude. Her shining moment? The mother/son dance.

Officiant The cleric or city official who performs the marriage ceremony.

Examples include a priest, a rabbi, a minister, or a justice of the peace.

Pages Young boys (or girls) aged six through nine who carry the bride's extralong

train (think of Lady Di's wedding) as she walks down the aisle. Also

known as "train bearers."

Ring bearer A young boy (or girl) aged four through eight, who walks down

the aisle just before the flower girl (if there is one), carrying a small decorative

pillow with two rings tied to it (usually fakes, in case they are lost).

Shushavim A Jewish term describing anyone close to the bride and groom

who helps them plan and prepare for marriage. In many Jewish weddings, there

is no traditional wedding party, but certain members of the shushavim (a mom,

a sister, a best friend) might perform similar tasks.

Train bearer Ushers Males (or females) who escort guests to their seats before the

ceremony. Ushers are often employed in addition to groomsmen -- this way

you can involve other important guys in the big day, including pre-teen

relatives who may not have been up for planning a lascivious bachelor party.

Vratimi Basically, they're Greek groomsmen. In traditional Eastern Orthodox

weddings, the vratimi is a pack of the groom's male friends who help the

koumbaro carry out his traditional role and perform various rituals.

VIEs Very important extras who act as readers, singers, poets, or party aides.

A VIE can also serve as guest book captain (makes sure all guests sign),

tradition bearer (walks down the aisle toting a family heirloom or heritage

symbol), or etiquette guru.